The Awareness I Wish I Had Sooner — Life After a Late ADHD Diagnosis
Too Much and Not Enough
“Maybe I’m not lazy. Maybe my brain just works differently.”
October is ADHD Awareness Month, but for many of us, awareness doesn’t come from books, it comes from breakdowns, confusion, and quiet years of trying to figure out why we can’t just “be normal.”
This is my story — of masking, grieving, unlearning, and finally understanding what it means to live with a brain that never slows down.
Coming Home and Realizing How Little We Know
A few weeks ago, I was home — my actual homeland. For the first time in years, I stayed longer than just a few days. I saw friends I hadn’t seen in forever. We laughed, we caught up. Then I mentioned my ADHD. And suddenly, the room changed. Faces looked confused. Most didn’t even know what it was.
Some laughed and said, “Ah, yes, TikTok disease.”
Others said, “Well, we all have that then.”
And a few were hearing the term for the first time in their life.
I tried to explain, but then someone said:
“You’ve made this your personality. You’re too emotional. Relax.”
And I froze.
Because that’s exactly what I’ve been hearing, feeling, and fighting my entire life.
The Misunderstanding
Where I come from, mental health isn’t something people talk about.
You don’t have ADHD — you’re “lazy.”
You don’t have anxiety — you “overthink.”
You’re not depressed — you’re “ungrateful.”
Being a woman from the Balkans makes it even harder. My parents still struggle to understand it. Not because they don’t love me, but because they were never taught that the brain can work differently.
But ADHD isn’t new. It’s just misunderstood, especially in girls and women.
What ADHD Really Is
ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is a neurodevelopmental condition.
It’s not a mood or a personality trait — it’s how the brain is wired from birth.
It affects the areas that control focus, emotional regulation, time, motivation, and impulse.
There are three main types:
- Inattentive type: often quiet, daydreamy, forgetful, easily distracted.
- Hyperactive/Impulsive type: energetic, restless, talks a lot, moves constantly.
- Combined type: a mix of both.
Most women are diagnosed late because they often have the inattentive kind — they’re not “hyper” enough to stand out, so they just get labeled as spacey, moody, or inconsistent.
The Masking Game
Before I knew what ADHD was, I became really good at pretending.
That’s called masking — when you hide your struggles and force yourself to act “normal.”
I smiled through chaos.
I organized what I could, copied what others did, and practiced calm when my brain was screaming inside.
I said yes when I wanted to say no.
I forced eye contact when I was overwhelmed.
I learned how to look “fine.”
Masking is survival, especially for women. You learn how to perform “organized.” How to mirror others in conversations so you don’t interrupt or forget. How to squeeze yourself into boxes you never fit, because the world rewards people who seem controlled, consistent, predictable.
But masking comes at a cost.
It’s exhausting. It disconnects you from who you really are. And eventually, it breaks you.
How It Feels — From the Inside
ADHD isn’t about not paying attention.
It’s about paying attention to too many things at once.
It’s your brain saying, “Everything is important right now!” and then burning out before you start.
It’s opening your laptop to send one email and somehow ending up watering your plants, checking your bank, replying to messages, and three hours later… the email’s still unsent.
It’s having 30 tabs open, in your browser and in your mind.
It’s forgetting to eat because you got lost in an idea.
Then eating everything at 3 a.m. because you forgot all day.
It’s starting a project with passion and fire and suddenly running out of energy before finishing, even when you still care deeply.
It’s emotional.
It’s unpredictable.
It’s not funny.
It’s exhausting.
The Emotional Side Nobody Talks About
ADHD isn’t just about focus — it’s about feelings.
We feel everything intensely. Rejection, joy, guilt, excitement — all of it hits at 300%.
One text, one silence, one word can flip your whole mood.
That’s called emotional dysregulation, and it’s one of the hardest parts to live with.
It’s not that we’re dramatic, it’s that our brains literally struggle to regulate emotions the way others can.
Imagine waking up and your mood already feels like a rollercoaster you didn’t sign up for.
That’s what a lot of ADHD mornings feel like.
What Happens When It’s Not Understood
Before my diagnosis, I spent years trying to “fix” myself.
I made endless to-do lists. Bought planners. Downloaded apps.
Each time I failed to “stay consistent,” I felt more broken.
Untreated ADHD can turn into anxiety, depression, burnout, and self-blame.
You keep thinking:
“Why can’t I just do it like everyone else?”
But ADHD isn’t a motivation issue.
It’s a regulation issue. Our brains struggle to activate the “start” button unless something feels urgent or emotionally meaningful.
That’s not laziness — that’s neurology.
What ADHD Also Brings
But it’s not all pain. There’s also magic in it.
People with ADHD are often deeply creative, empathetic, and intuitive.
We can see patterns others don’t.
We’re spontaneous, passionate, and full of vision.
We can hyperfocus and create incredible things when something lights us up.
That’s how Sancy was born — not from discipline, but from obsession, from a hyperfocus that felt like home.
But that fire burns out fast.
We live between explosions of inspiration and valleys of exhaustion.
And every day, we’re trying to balance both.
The Grieving
When you finally get diagnosed, there’s relief — and then grief.
You’re happy to finally know.
You’re not lazy.
You’re not broken.
But then you start grieving all the years you lost trying to fix yourself.
The friendships that ended because people thought you didn’t care.
The jobs you left because you burned out.
The dreams you gave up on because you couldn’t “stay consistent.”
You realize how much you missed — simply because nobody saw what was happening to you.And that grief stays for a while.
You lose people who can’t understand the new version of you, the one who sets boundaries, the one who no longer apologizes for being different.
You outgrow spaces that made you shrink.
You lose — but you also find.
The Relearning
After the grief comes something powerful — relearning yourself.
You start understanding why your brain works the way it does.
You start forgiving yourself for things that never needed forgiveness.
You learn that you’re not inconsistent — you’re interest-based.
You don’t lack motivation — you lack dopamine.
You’re not dramatic — you just feel deeply.
You’re not lazy — you’ve been running a marathon in your mind every single day.
And slowly, you build a new relationship with yourself ; one that’s kinder, slower, more real.
You stop forcing yourself to be “normal.”
You create systems that fit you.
You start choosing people who make you feel safe to just exist.
What I Wish Everyone Knew
ADHD isn’t a flaw. It’s not “funny chaos energy.” It’s not an excuse.
It’s the reason I forget messages but remember emotions.
The reason I can’t start small tasks but can build a brand from pure passion.
The reason I overthink every silence but handle real crises calmly.
It’s a different operating system.
Once you learn how to work with it — not against it — it can be powerful.
Why I Keep Talking About It
Because I spent almost 30 years thinking I was the problem.
Because the world still rewards people who fit into neat, predictable boxes.
Because I want others to know — it’s not their fault.
Parents, watch your kids!
If they forget, daydream, feel too much — don’t shame them.
Listen. Help them understand themselves.
It’s not bad to be different. What’s bad is trying to fix something that was never broken.
Finally
No — ADHD is not a TikTok trend.
No — it’s not an excuse.
No — we’re not “too emotional.”
ADHD is real. It’s complex.
And the more we talk about it, the fewer people will have to suffer in silence, wondering what’s wrong with them.
With love,
Angela